Mind Vomit by the ikss

the cocky & the cougar - chapter 12 teaser

"I'm sorry about your dress," he said, after a moment. "It was really beautiful."

 

I sighed and shrugged. "Dresses can be replaced."

 

His long fingers ran down the neckline of my dress until they reached the bottom, then ran back up the other side. I barely felt the tips of his fingers gliding against my skin. "Why don't you take it off?"

 

**

 

Full chapter will be posted later in the week (updates weekly)

 

i've always depended on the kindness of strangers

Howdy kids.

I am presently exhausted, having had an extremely bi-polar weekend of crazazy ups and downs. The highlights: Yesterday evening I hung out at my friend Ana's (founding member of FOK*) for a premature Thanksgiving feast (her friend was in town and Ana will actually be out of town for the real day, so we celebrated early. Any excuse to eat lots of food, you understand). Today I ate even more food at my parents' place, as the fan damily got together for our monthly "lets get together and eat a bunch of food and drink a lot of wine and talk a lot of shit" get-togethers.

We shan't discuss the low-lights, cuz that chit just ain't any fun.

I started a temporary job last week, which is good in that the pay is slightly more than I make on the dole; but bad in that I am only making slightly more than I make on the dole. Plus, it's one hell of a commute to get there. I leave my house at 6:30am and it takes me over an hour to get there. Coming home takes anywhere form 90 minutes to two hours. Dee-lightful. But hey, at least I have ample time to catch up on my CD listening. Another positive is that the job actually has nothing to do with credit. I'm helping a company go through a computer system conversion, seeing as I've headed a few of those before and they are converting to a system I know well. So that should keep me entertained for a while.

Of course, I got this job just as the popularity of one of my fan fiction stories is taking off, so I don't have as much time to write.

(We interrupt this blog post to say - Yay! The Angels just scored another run so they're only down by one run at this point! GO ANGELS!

We now resume our regular broadcasting schedule.)

I first started posting The Cocky and The Cougar in August and only at the Twilighted site. Things started out slowly. I got a small following of maybe 100 people and a few of those left me reviews each chapter. It was nice, it was fun, it was groovy. Then I decided to start posting it at fanfiction.net like two weeks ago. And...um...holy canoli, Batman!

Two or three heavy hitters in the fandom have latched on to my story and started spreading the word via twitter and Facebook and all of those newfangled technologies that tragically un-hip dorks like me refuse to hop on to (hey - y'all are lucky I'm writing this on a computer and not using quill and paper). One of them (ObsessingOverEdward) started a forum thread for it at the Twilighted site and also offered to help me make a banner to advertise it. Yet another (vixen1836) is going to interview me for a fic-centered blog she contributes to. I've received more reviews for the story in the last week than I have in the last two months, combined. Far more, in fact. Far, far more.

I am just...man. I'm astounded. Seriously astounded. I have met a number of really wonderful people who have sent me emails and PMs and whatnot, encouraging me and commiserating over some of the more irritating aspects of the fandom and giggling over the wonder that is Grey Goose vodka and Larry Mullen Jr. I've also discussed strategies for getting my "real" novel published with more than one published author. You have no idea how supportive and helpful these people have been to me - a perfect stranger! They just like my story and so contacted me, simply in order to offer their encouragement...Man. I'm astounded.

I can not tell you what the kind words of these strangers has meant to me this week. As I inferred in my last post, there's been a little dark cloud hovering over my household lately. There have been times when I seriously just did not know how much more I could take. Then my In Box started flooding with kind and supportive words from complete strangers.

If my story continues to gain in popularity, I assume some readers who aren't so in love with it will start making their presence known and I will no longer be left giddy by every email in my In Box. However, I will never forget what the power of a few kind words from people with absolutely no ulterior motive can do for one's psyche and I will be forever indebted to the fandom for the magic they have worked this week. If any of you are reading this blog now, please know that I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

And I think the Angels are gonna fucking lose this game and, hence, the series. Dammity damn, damn, damn.

 

 

 

*Friends of Karen

 

it's alive!

So yeah...It's been...um...a while.

Look, all I'm gonna say is that I've been going thru some wicked chit in my life, kids. And before you jump to conclusions, based on the various song-lyrics about broken relationships that I seem to be fond of posting on these pages, The Old Man and I are still together and doing well. We may be homeless after the end of October, but hey - we can live on love, right?

*crickets*

I joined the ranks of the unemployed since I last wrote here, you see, and while that comes as a surprise to nobody who has been paying attention and I am hardly alone in my newfound poverty, that knowledge ain't gonna pay my bills. And unlike that last time I was laid off from a job, there are not a bunch of people crawling all over themselves to hire my ass.

I am afraid. I am very afraid.

Well, I guess we can look at it this way (seeing as I am a glass-half-full kinda gal). The last time I took a month-long hiatus from this blog, somebody had tried to kill me.

And if you really, really need to read something I've written, feel free to check out some fan fiction I have been posting. Yes, I finally gave in to that baser desire I have been having and started doing it. It's actually been good for me in several ways:

1) I can fill the many, many hours which are no longer occupied earning a paycheck.
2) Catharsis and Escape, both of which have been needed in the past six weeks or so.
3) The whole fan fic business has been a learning tool for me, as a writer. For instance, I've been playing with different perspectives (such as first person/third person). I also write it and then post it. I don't spend days, weeks and months editing and re-writing as I have done with my "real" novel (which remains only 90% complete, although I have recently begun shopping it around). I liken the process to improv theater - the idea comes, I immediately regurgitate it and it's out there, for better or for worse. The whole fanfic community to me, personally, has little-to-nothing to do with Twilight. I look at it more as a supportive, online writer's workshop. We all just happen to have ripped off characters from the Twilight series. And, honestly? That don't mean shit to me (but shhhh...don't tell any of those Twilighters out there. They may kick me off of the sites...or have me tarred and feathered).

I know I went off in a previous post about "betas" and how I didn't understand exactly what they could do for me. While I understand the process now, I don't use one. I post at two sites - Twilighted and FanFiction.net. At the Twilighted site, my chapters have to go through a "validation" process before getting posted, which essentially just means that somebody looked it over to be sure there weren't any glaring errors or pornographic scenes including children before it hit the webs (and btw, the chick who validates my chapters for The Cocky and The Cougar takes like a week to do so, whereas the one who validates How to Write a Love Song apparently does so in like five minutes. I don't mind at all - I don't expect anybody to drop everything they're doing in order to validate my chapter. Plus, the delay kind of gives me extra time to work on the next chapter, ya know? I'm just putting that out there in case someone reading this may wonder why there is sometimes a delay between when they hear about a new chapter and when they're able to read it). On ff.net, there ain't no process. I post it and it magically appears.

So it's all me, babies. Raw and unformed. What you read on these sites is, for better or worse, entirely of my own creation, with no beta'ing. Except that I stole my character's names and some other minute details from Stephenie Meyer.

I like these stories. They're fun. I don't take them terribly seriously, but writing them helps keep my creative juices flowing and I absolutely adore hearing from people I've never met, once they've read a chapter. In the past month, those comments have offered me some of the very few smiles to be had around my place.

Sorry to be such a downer, but if you know me you know that I tend to drift toward depression...and insanity. That's why I tend to stay away from the blog at times such as these. You know, I'm supposed to be the fun aunt. I don't like to be a wet blanket.

So I shall return when I feel better, or I may just post here when I have updated my stories, or if I get obsessed with more song lyrics or whatever.

By the way - Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize while I was gone. I voted for the man and try to be as supportive as possible and even I am mystified.

The Cocky and The Cougar at Twilighted
and at ff.net
How to Write a Love Song at Twilighted
and at ff.net

Just a warning - my stuff, as you may well imagine, is not for youngsters. I mean, sure, there is a rating system at both of these sites...but I just don't want some 13 year-old stumbling upon my stuff and receiving a premature education courtesy of the ikss. I've already corrupted the majority of my nieces and nephews. I don't need to add stranger's children to the the pile.

loose ends

Loose Ends

Lyrics by Bruce Springsteen

 

We met out on open streets
When we had no place to go
I remember how my heart beat
When you said "I love you so"
Then little by little
We choked out all the life that out love could hold
No, no

It was like we held a noose
And baby without check
We pulled it a little tighter around our necks
Each one waiting for the other
Darling to say when
Now baby you can leave me tonight on the loose end

We didn't count tomorrows
We took what we had and baby we ran
There was no place for sorrow
Every place we went I held your hand
And when the night closed in
I was sure your kisses told me all I had to know
But oh no

It was like we held a noose
and baby without check
we pulled 'til it grew tighter around our necks
each one waiting for the other
darling to say when
oh baby you can leave me tonight on the loose end

Our love has fallen around us
Like we said it never would
We saw it happen to all the others
But to us it never would
Well how could something so bad, darling
Come from something that was so good
I don't know

But it was like we held a noose
And baby without check
we pulled 'til it grew tighter around our necks
each one waiting for the other
darling to say when
oh baby you can leave me tonight on the loose end

On a loose end

memories...like the corners of my tiny, turquoise speedos

It’s time once again for…TMI Thursday!



It should come as no surprise to anyone that I have a picture of The Old Man on my desk at work. In truth, I have several. There are a couple of the two of us on my bulletin board (including the one of us on top of his motorcycle, wearing Santa hats) and on my desk itself stands a large frame which houses four photographs of his righteous self. They were each taken outside and each during one of our various trips together and at various times in the last thirteen years (which means his hair is a lot less grey in a couple of them than it is now).

Generally speaking, these photos have essentially just become part of the furniture around here. They’ve been on my desk for years and The OM himself has been a part of my life for such a long time that it would be either insane or pathetic (or both) for me to sit and stare at the pictures for extended periods of time. Or any time, for that matter. However, I will on occasion take a gander at the hotness that is my beloved. And when I do so, one of these four photos makes me laugh almost every time.

It’s an older photo, taken during Phase One of our relationship (aka The Trials). We were up in our local mountains, hiking near Lake Arrowhead.

Allow me to set the scene…

We parked our car and took a stroll down a rather steep incline toward the river which eventually empties in to Lake Arrowhead. There was nobody around and since we were not on a hiking trail or close to any roads, we assumed we essentially had the place to ourselves.

That may have been our mistake.

As I recall, we had brought a lunch with us and planned a wee picnic by the river. We found what appeared to be the perfect spot for such an endeavor – a huge boulder sat vertically, blocking the road and everything else behind us. This boulder sat right next to an equally large boulder which lay horizontally. In effect, nature had given us a huge table upon which to sit and picnic.

And, of course, we being us – a huge table on which to exercise our carnal capabilities.

I should explain that The Old Man has a thing for outdoor sex. Take him out of doors and he gets an immediate rush to the trousers. This penchant of his has resulted in a lot of very fun hikes and road trips in our years together, I assure you. And frankly, we’re very lucky we haven’t ever been arrested for public indecency.

Did I mention this is TMI Thursday?

At any rate, on this particular day, we didn’t have actual sex…at least not in the Clintonian definition of the word. However, after we inhaled our little lunch…um…well, let’s just say I ended up on my knees in front of nature’s table, with my mouth full.

Being a little…preoccupied, I did not hear the guy walking around from behind the huge vertical boulder until he spoke to us.

“Hey. How you doin’?”

This is what the man said to us, as he made his way down to the river.

Upon hearing his voice, my head shot up and my hands went to cover my Old Man’s person (I am nothing if not considerate, after all).

Neither of us ever did answer his question, but our answer should have been, “Heh. A lot better than you, I’d wager.”

Oh how I wish I had a picture of this dude, because what I saw when I looked up was priceless.

He was a middle-aged white guy with a receding hairline and a slight pot belly, wearing a pair of tiny…turquoise…Speedos.

Once I swallowed my shame sufficiently to lift my head fully from the Old Man’s lap, I realized that Speedo Man was being followed by what I could only assume were his wife and daughter.

And then the question became - what in the world are you doing wearing those tiny turquoise Speedos in front of that child???

Really, the question should have been simply “What in the world are you doing wearing those tiny, turquoise Speedos?” just in general…but especially in front of, like, an eight year-old girl?!

So now, every time I look at the photo of my OM sitting on top of Nature’s Table, the huge vertical boulder behind him, a sweet and serene look on his face, I am reminded of the day I was caught eating dessert out of my Old Man’s trousers by a man in inappropriately tiny, turquoise Speedos.

It’s the little giggles which get me through the work day, peeps.

did norm bruise this easily?

What kind of 40 year-old woman comes in to work with like five hickies on her neck???

This one, that’s what kind.

OK, granted - the only person I know who bruises more easily than I is my 81 year-old mother…

And actually, I also have bruises all up and down my legs. They mysteriously appeared while I was in Vegas over the weekend and I have absolutely no idea where they came from. One would think I’d remember, like, running into things and whacking my shins and knees repeatedly, wouldn’t one? I didn't even drink all that much! Well - not as much as usual anyway. Not so much that I whacked my shins repeatedly and don't remember...

But still…so embarrassing…like gee - I wonder what the ikss was up to last night!

Ah, well. We had a lot of fun. :)

So Las Vegas…also lots of fun, although not the sort of fun which results in a multitude of hickies on one's person. I do have the myriad of leg bruises, though, so that's something. I got no sleep and won no money and traffic getting home on Sunday was the worst I have ever seen (and I do not exaggerate this point in the slightest); but I danced a lot, ate a lot of good food, saw some dolphins and some lions and tigers (no bears, oh my) and met lots of cool peeps at various Black Jack tables. In my book, that’s a win.

Plus, apparently the dealers at the Hard Rock all know me by name. I walk in there and it’s like I’m f’n Norm from Cheers.

Dudes, I haven’t even been in the Hard Rock in like a year! Seriously…it was nice and they were all super-cool people, but I really do wonder just what I have done there to have made such an impression.

Knowing myself as I do, that’s a very scary thing to ponder…